I know it’s been quite a long time since I’ve blogged, TOO long really, and I’m sorry about that. I really do want to share my life (the good things and the bad things!) with anyone who wants to know. But to be quite honest, I often find myself at a loss of what to even blog about! I don’t see how anything I write could be as/more interesting than anything anyone else has written. The enemy is really good at making me feel inadequate, but I don’t want that to hold me back any longer from sharing what God is doing in my life.
I am in quite a roller coaster of a season of life right now. By that, I mean my feelings are pretty much all over the place when it comes to my relationship with the Lord. For the past couple months, I have had some serious lows and serious highs within just a few days. Being a very emotional person, it’s hard not to succumb to my fleshly feelings that don’t align with the Lord’s truth. Doubt, insecurity, guilt; as I try to run from these painful emotions, I am only running farther from the Lord.
Why haven’t you been in the Word a lot lately? Why aren’t you making time to get coffee with nonbelievers? Why are you still struggling with the sin you’ve struggled with for years? Is Jesus not enough for you?
I feel so broken when I’m not in the Word, yet I can’t even make myself pick up the Bible God has so graciously provided me. I want to disciple new believers and share the Gospel with nonbelievers I meet through my churches college ministry, but I’m too lazy to send a 30 second text and set a time. I want to break away from the sin that’s had a hold of me for so long, but realizing I’m not a slave to sin seems too easy. Accepting that grace has no bounds is too easy. Letting Christ be my strength instead of doing everything myself is too easy. I don’t deserve this grace; I can’t accept it.
“But where sin increased, grace abounded all the more…”
I am STILL, after being a believer for 10 years, fighting this battle of not being able to accept grace. But, my inability to grasp the fullness of the Gospel doesn’t change it! The Lord is pursuing me, wooing me, chasing after this heart that he fastened even as I run. And even when my sin causes me to doubt these Truths, God is still the same. Constant, Kind, and extending me the grace I could never deserve or find anywhere else.